The Collective

It's 106 miles to Chicago...

What is with me and movie quotes? I can't remember them for the life of me.

My wife can spew them ad nauseam.

However, one quote has been a particular thorn in my side: "I am Maximus Decimus Meridius..."

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I even once put that particular quote on a loop on the DVD player for almost half an hour as I tried to memorize it. To my chagrin, it still hasn't stuck in the grooves of my brain.

So are you like my wife in that you can remember movie quotes? Or are you like me in that they just don't stick no matter how hard you try? What are some of your favorite quotes? Include links if you want.

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I am stuck on this ditty and this ditty's stuck on me

I am stuck on Band-Aids, 'cause Band-Aid's stuck on me.

This morning, I woke up with that little ditty going through my head (courtesy of Band-Aid® Brand Adhesive Bandages).

The thing is I always preferred Nexcare™.

*Crickets*

Yep, Nexcare™, the poor man's Heinz® Ketchup of bandages, or, in other words, the equivalent of Hunt's® Ketchup.

However, when it comes to ketchup, unlike bandages, I am a snob and will accept no substitute.

I go into a restaurant and see Hunt's®, or, worse yet, House Recipe®, I turn and walk right out of the place. Me and my shadow never will cross its threshold again.

This post was brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.

So are their brands with which you stick (pun intended) through thick or thin?

Lybopsy: the examination of ?

It's been off and on again here, but today I'm making it official: I'm going to have a Captcha of the Week every week, starting today. However, I don't promise on what day it will be. Most likely it will be Tuesday or Thursday, but I make no promises. For previous Captcha of the Week posts, check my Captcha of the Week posts on posterous.

Above is this week's Captcha of the Week.

I first tried to examine the word based etymologically by breaking down the word: "Ly-", the first part of the word, which Merriam-Webster says originates with the Greek word lyein, meaning "to loosen or dissolve", and "-opsy," the second part of the word, which MW says orginates from the Greek words opsia and opsis, meaning "examination."

I thought to myself maybe "lybospy" then means "examination of loose bowels" as in "diahrrea," but then I realized I was missing the "b." ...unless, just unless that "b" stands for "bowels," which might make sense in light of that (um, not that THAT is not disgusting, I mean, yeah, I know doctors have to do that kind of thing, but I really don't want to do that kind of thing).

If that is not the case, then I'm not sure what "lyb-" means as a prefix. MW was no help with that supposition, although the Free Dictionary says LYB in caps stands for a variety of things, including "Love You Babe" and "Love Your Body," which I'm not sure how that fits in with "examination." If any of you find a more reasonable explanation, let me know in the comments. This was only after a cursory (meaning "extra lazy") use of Google. Maybe you'll find something in a more extensive (meaning "you've got too much time on your hands, you silly git") use of Google.

For more wordplay on word verification words, see this post from Nonamedufus, who, I'm a little behind, but I just learned, is on a blogcation for a few weeks. Dammit.

Long-haired freaky people

Looking back on today was a pretty normal summer Friday at the library where I work: slow and boring.

However, now that I sit here and recollect my thoughts, one patron's comment to me does stand out amongst the others. The patron, a man in his 70s, said to me about a female patron with long hair:

"She has nice long hair. Hair like that clogs drains."

Real life or just fantasy?

Whoa. Really? I thought real life was the low-res, black and white stag film playing on the front window. Er...I mean...

My avatar and corks aren't working, damn you Facebook!

Tonight both The Wife and I have been having problems with connecting to Facebook on two different computers, which led me to research the problem online. While doing that, I came across this which put it all in perspective:

Now The Wife and I are going to uncork a real bottle of wine and watch some MI-5 we got from Netflix.

I hope my obit is this entertaining

Someday I hope my obituary is as entertaining as the one I just formatted for tomorrow's newspaper. This paragraph is my favorite:

"She was known for her tenacity, spunk and witty sense of humor which were never destroyed and only strengthened as the years went by. As a teenager, her loyal friends never turned her in when she was sought after by local law enforcement. She led a party of teenage friends to tip over the neighbor’s outhouse while he was occupying it."

Notes I write throughout the day Part I

Notes I write in my head to co-workers and others throughout the day:

Lady in front of office:
I sometimes wonder if you are trying to break the record for the most complaints in one day. You complain if a fly lands on your desk, if it rains, if the sun shines, if it snows, if it doesn't snow, if you have a day off, if you have to work, if your daughter-in-law calls, if your daughter-in-law doesn't call, if your husband remembers your anniversary, if your husband doesn't remember your anniversary, if your co-worker leaves early, if your co-worker doesn't leave early. . .

 I'm not sure I've ever heard one complain more than you. I'm not sure I've ever dreaded saying anything to anyone before because I imagine that person will take the last word of my sentence, no matter the word, and find a way to spin that word into a very long-winded, nasty rant that will make my ears bleed and wish I had been born deaf. My iPod and I have become very close friends thanks to your mouth and for that, well, I thank you.

To the man who spit chew in my general direction while I was taking a ribbon cutting photo for his business for the newspaper:

I suppose when you bought that can of Redman no one every advised you on the chew-spitting etiquette that goes along with it. For example, when talking to a woman who is taking photographs for your new business to run in the paper, you might want to avoid pulling the clump of chew out of your mouth squishing it in your fingers and putting it back in again.

You might also want to avoid spitting a wad of that chew at my feet while I attempt to write down your directions for exactly how your ribbon cutting cutline should read. Also, this is a ribbon cutting photograph, a one-time "free" advertisement for your business. Don't ask me to take three or four photos and then ask to see the photograph and then, when I tell you I will crop in on it (merely to shut you up), say "Just make it look good," and then spit on the ground at my feet again and walk away. Sorry, I don't remember you ever signing my paycheck and if you ever do, I hope you didn't dribble chew spit on it in the process.

Also, next time you are in a photo for the newspaper, you might want to wear a shirt that doesn't look like you just came out of a mud-pit.

I deserve a break today -- from my full-time job as a tournament poker player

Today I'm taking a break and spending time away from the long, arduous task of tournament poker to allow myself to become refreshed and rejuvenated, and remember why I love tournament poker so much.

I bet you didn't even know that I was a tournament poker player. To be honest, I didn't either until I read the above message.

Now it's all beginning to make sense why I love these songs so much, especially the second one, which I don't think radio stations have been playing quite enough (do you?):

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn481KcjvMo]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_de3C3Pkb8Q]

Deep down inside, I have a tournament poker player wanting to come out of me...like the alien coming out of Kane, only with slightly less blood than that.

And the horse you rode in on

Photo courtesy of Drunken Monkey on Flickr

This morning I swear I heard someone outside our window yelling in Russian.

By the time I got up to check out what was happening or who might be shouting in Russia, I couldn't see or hear anything.

And no, I didn't have anything to drink last night, including a White (pictured above) or Black Russian or any kind of vodka.

I wish.

At least, it would have then made sense.

In the meantime, I believe I'll have a shot of something myself to clear my head.

Here's...

за ваше здоровье!

Or as my Jewish ancestors used to say: "Mazel tov."